Dear Mom…
Strangest thing.
Not seeing Khalid in forever and considering a trip to Vancouver to rectify that situation, I sent him a picture of me to which he promptly responded, “Wow, you look just like Mom now.” It would be very remiss of me if I didn’t admit that kind of took me back while putting you front and center in my thoughts…
I am now less than four years away from the age you were when you died so dramatically and tragically, which seems so strange. About as strange as Dad turning 87 today. Accepting your death took me (I admit shamefully) a good decade and a half not to really make my peace, but more to wholeheartedly embrace the life you provided me without the guilt of being truly happy when you are no longer here. But, there are things I am doing for myself again that you would encourage just as you did for me to write, to smile, to feel joy and love in everything I embraced and then recorded for posterity and the entire world to read.
On a less positive note…
Today, I officially hit my relationship rock bottom, yet you’d be relieved to know, in the words of The Beatles, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” Because when I see the kind of beauty I didn’t think could exist without you on the planet, I know I’m witnessing all the great things still out there for which to marvel…
A new friend recently went back to India to take care of his mother who is ailing from illnesses that are beyond her control. He sent a video of a tender moment between them and it told the story of maternal love that has inspired so much of my writing. Incidentally, he also allowed me to aid in his screenwriting journey and, for that, I’m not only proud, but completely invested in his success. Teaching Screenwriting is as fulfilling as crafting my own scripts. Speaking of genius professors…
You would be elated to know I have reconnected with V@l*n! (name written like this for the sake of anonymity). She suffered terribly in the last couple of years losing her beloved mother, almost a crueler twist of fate that she had her as long as she did, left navigating a world and her writing with her mother firmly secured in her thoughts and her memories. The strangest part of this blessing? V encourages me to consider her my colleague and no longer my professor and although challenging, given her brilliance and stunning career, I am trying to embrace that honor as you would have wanted. I love spending time with her just as I did when I was still in film school as though two decades hadn’t passed.
Speaking of mothers, I never thought I would be lucky enough to say that I work for Carol Burnett. Well, not exactly. I mean, she as a mother (now well into her 90s and still working) endowed a filmmaking department in the memory of her late daughter, Carrie Hamilton. I am one of the professors fortunate enough to teach Screenwriting in that program. It seems almost on theme that I am surrounded by others whose writing/acting/filmmaking opportunities are not only inspired by the strength of those maternal bonds, but are also powerful women who understand and celebrate loss in their artistry…
And the one thing I know you always wanted for me?
True love that was neither transactional, deliberate, nor conditional? Still working on that one. Years ago, I met the most spectacular man that I let go not thinking I deserved him when you were no longer here to convince me that I did…The good news? I was better for him loving me. While still open to Mr. Write/Right, you can breathe a sigh of relief I’m neither embittered nor skeptical anymore that my next great love is still out there…I write with confidence we will find each other soon…
So, Mom, just as I express every feeling I have ever had without abandon in my words and actions, it is worth saying I continue to cherish your example and effect on my life. While flattered to think I could look like you externally, I only hope your influence and your beauty internally continues to color my real and reel worlds. I love you as much, if not more, than I always did and your impact is threaded through everything I commit to in words…Your memory will neither wither nor be forgotten. Thank you.
Your daughter, The Scriptrighter